i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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