Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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