it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
