I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
NoShamevember. You game?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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