I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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