My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
