Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
