??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
