please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
