he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Shame - the story of my life.
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