I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
