I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
