what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
