She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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