we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
