you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
