bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
