Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
