last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize