so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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