Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
