the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
