And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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