how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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