Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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