He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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