i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
