Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
