she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
