How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize