For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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