so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
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