do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize