Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize