walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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