Nicole vs. Life
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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