Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize