Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize