you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Randomize
