You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize