I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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