I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
