I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
