but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize