the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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