Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
