He asked to "fluff my boner.."
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
