Im at strip club and am horny
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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