forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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