I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
