Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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