The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
