Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
