I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
