So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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