I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
