Ambien. No doubt about it.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
