so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize