Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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