The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
