I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
