I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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