White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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