you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm too high and old for this...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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