who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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