I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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