She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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