is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
What a dumb baby whore.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
