the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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