girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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