i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
