my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
