Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
