ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
