I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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