is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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